Dear Kami-sama,

I wonder if you can hear me. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. (purposely one right? xD)

Do you know that a lot of people were suffering today in school? One guy looked like he was ready to cut his wrist. I didn't know how to make him feel better, so i prayed to you. He cheered up later when he got his overall A.Maths and E.Maths marks, which amazingly, are both A1s. It's so amazing because I don't think I'll ever get that high for A.Maths.

Hahahaha. What am I to do~

Oh, and there was a talk by some people from Ngee Ann Poly. It was...fairly interesting. It was decided a long time ago that if I ever somehow decide to go to poly, I would go Ngee Ann. Sad thing is, I can't. I have lived my whole studying life for my parents in one way or another. I get good grades to move on and more importantly, please them. Yes, it's true that you don't have a backbone this way, but I have a lot to live up to. I can't just live life like I want to at the moment. I need to get into university. I'm sure you'd understand, Kami-sama? I don't even have a dream... So I'll just flow along with the river till I reach a fork in my path.

Kami-sama~ Kami-sama~ There's a dark and black hole in my heart. Can you mend it?

Do you know something, Kami-sama? I don't love you just because you can do things for me. I've thought about it long and hard. You know those two aunties from the clinic that day? They loved God or Jesus just because he grants them their wishes and saves their relatives from an early death. Am I...loving you in this way as well, Kami-sama? I always seek your forgiveness, but I always continue sinning and going against you. I am the one who is despicable, right?

I keep praying to you. Yet my wishes are becoming more and more selfish. When I was younger, I prayed to you for someone else. I prayed for my mum, my aunt, my friends and everyone else. Nowadays, I'm praying to you for my grades. Is that why you're angry? Don't say you aren't. You obviously are. You won't say a word to me. You always smile but recently you just pretend to smile.

But thank you. For everything, I mean. You've let my mother land safely in the other country and you've somehow salvaged my SS marks a little.

Kami-sama...The world is very ugly, you know. I'm ugly too. So why did you choose me? Since when did it start?

Kami-sama...i feel like crying.

Something feels empty inside and it's very painful.

Kami-sama...Kami-sama...

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I'm sorry. So please don't go.